Changing the Game ProjectChanging the Game Project

  • HOME
  • ABOUT US
    • MEDIA
    • INFO FOR PARENTS/COACHES
    • RECOMMENDED RESOURCES
  • BLOG
  • PODCAST
  • BOOKS/VIDEOS
    • BOOKS/ONLINE COURSES
  • HIRE A SPEAKER
    • UPCOMING EVENTS
  • WAY OF CHAMPIONS CONFERENCE
  • CONTACT
  • LOGIN

Is Losing Stressing You Out? Try This New Mindset to Fix it!

by John O'Sullivan / Saturday, 19 October 2013 / Published in Coaching, Leadership

As a young coach, I was convinced that there were only two possible outcomes to a game, winning or losing. Of course, losing was to be avoided at all costs, even if that meant not playing weaker players, benching underperformers, criticizing referees, you name it. Then I started to study people whom I would call master coaches, people like John Wooden, Mike Krzyzweski, and others, and realized that their entire philosophy was built not around winning and losing, but winning and LEARNING!
Armed with two positive outcomes every time we had a game, throughout the season the question I asked my teams changed from “Why did we lose?” to “What did we learn?” Players performed better in the second approach, because they knew they were either going to win and learn, or lose and learn from it. At practice the next week, we discussed what we learned, and got on with the journey of getting better. It turned the focus on the process, and not the outcome of games. As we have discussed before regarding the work of Dr Carol Dweck and Mindset, focusing on effort and process instills a growth oriented state of mind in your athletes, which has been proven to increase performance.

Now do not get me wrong, this did not mean we did not try to win, or compete to the best of our ability. One of the biggest misconceptions in youth sports today is one held by misinformed coaches and parents who think that if you do not win all your games the sky is falling. They think that if you do not focus on things like wins, trophies, and rankings, you are not being competitive. They think that if they forgo a win in the name of developing players they are teaching kids to be non competitive. They could not be more wrong. They confuse success and excellence, and those two things are quite different.

Success is about the outcome, excellence is about the process of becoming proficient. The former gives you a short term buzz, yet instills fear of losing. A quest for excellence, however, turns an athlete’s focus upon the journey of athletic development, which is filled with struggle, disappointment, and success. Athletes on a quest for excellence inevitably have much more success then those who focus solely upon winning and positive outcomes. They accept more challenging situations, so they will learn from them. They go out of their comfort zone in the quest to improve. They also celebrate the achievements of others.

Success oriented individuals fear all achievement other than their own. They do not seek out challenges, for their validation comes only through outcomes, and not the journey. They seek praise through wins instead of effort. And when the going gets to tough, success seekers get going.

My advice to you is to follow the path of our most SUCCESSFUL COACHES, and that is a path of EXCELLENCE! That is the path of winning and learning! Don’t take my word for it. The results speak for themselves.

 

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT LEARNING INSTEAD OF LOSING!

Comments

comments

  • Tweet
Tagged under: coaching, competition, confidence, leadership, mindset for athletes, parenting, performance, youth sports

What you can read next

WOC #11 Jon Gordon, Best Selling Author and Leadership Expert, on The Power of Positivity
Three Books That Will Make You a Better Coach
WOC #20 Jim Thompson, Founder of the Positive Coaching Alliance, on How Connection Precedes Commitment in Leadership

11 Comments to “Is Losing Stressing You Out? Try This New Mindset to Fix it!”

  1. Our Unhealthy Obsession with Childhood Athletic Success | Changing the Game Project says : Reply
    November 22, 2013 at 2:31 pm

    […] leads us to the third issue, the over-emphasis of winning with our newly discovered elite athletes. After selecting our “talented’ kids, we then funnel a […]

  2. Teach Your Kids Grit | Mental Toughness | Changing the Game Project says : Reply
    December 17, 2013 at 12:03 am

    […] 1. Allow them to FAIL: In fact, encourage them to fail! If you are always making excuses for failure, blaming other coaches, referees, players, etc., you have lost sight of the fact that failure is a MANDATORY component of both learning and becoming mentally tough. Children who are not allowed to fail never have any obstacles to overcome, and blame things outside of themselves for their failure. Every time they encounter an obstacle, they wait to be carried over it, they wait for the problem to be solved for them. They do not persevere, they do not persist; they only learn to give up. Let your kids fail, and teach them how to learn from failure. […]

  3. GPF: Is Losing Stressing You Out? [318] says : Reply
    July 19, 2014 at 12:25 am

    […] me think and gave me some new perspectives. This was originally posted by John O’Sullivan, HERE, on […]

  4. How to Raise a Lion Chaser | Confidence in Youth Sports | Changing the Game Project says : Reply
    August 4, 2014 at 6:28 pm

    […] become the person who advises your child to “see what you can GET OUT of this situation.” We can help our athletes change their perspective from “winning and losing” to “winning and le… The importance of their journey is no longer reaching a destination, but what they become on the […]

  5. GPF: Is Losing Stressing You Out? [318] | Mentality WOD says : Reply
    August 24, 2015 at 8:53 am

    […] me think and gave me some new perspectives. This was originally posted by John O’Sullivan, HERE, on […]

  6. Raising the Bar in Youth Sports | Changing the Game Project says : Reply
    January 5, 2016 at 11:57 pm

    […] When things go wrong, do not blame, but instead ask “what can I learn from this?” […]

  7. Raising the Bar in Youth Sports – PARADIGM Sports says : Reply
    January 15, 2016 at 1:46 pm

    […] When things go wrong, do not blame, but instead ask “what can I learn from this?” […]

  8. Developing Warriors, not Winners, is the Path to Excellence - Changing the Game Project says : Reply
    March 5, 2017 at 4:42 pm

    […] Breaking rules, taking shortcuts, using others for your gain, and finding the easy route that guaran…. It is important that we strive each and every moment we educate to create true warriors in our children. Persons who live by unbending values, who cherish the challenge, who respect the nature of competition and who run headlong into the quest for excellence. We are obligated to intentionally create those kinds of players in every moment…even the solitary ones in parking lots. […]

  9. Νικητές και πολεμιστές; Ποια είναι η διαφορά και πώς μπορεί να σας βοηθήσει στους παίκτες σας, να εγκρίνει μια νοοτροπία ανάπτυξης και έμφα says : Reply
    April 27, 2017 at 11:06 pm

    […] gain, and finding the easy route that guarantees victory makes a person a winner, but it certainly makes no warrior. It is important that we strive each and every moment we educate to create true warriors in our […]

  10. The Missing Ingredient In Many Athletes Today - The Lending Coach says : Reply
    July 10, 2017 at 9:46 am

    […] Allow them to FAIL: In fact, encourage them to fail! If you are always making excuses for failure, blaming other coaches, referees, players, etc., you have lost sight of the fact that failure is a MANDATORY component of both learning and becoming mentally tough. Children who are not allowed to fail never have any obstacles to overcome, and blame things outside of themselves for their failure. Every time they encounter an obstacle, they wait to be carried over it, they wait for the problem to be solved for them. They do not persevere, they do not persist; they only learn to give up. Let your kids fail, and teach them how to learn from failure. […]

  11. Developing Warriors, not Winners, is the Path to Excellence | James Alexander Michie says : Reply
    May 18, 2018 at 1:11 pm

    […] Breaking rules, taking shortcuts, using others for your gain, and finding the easy route that guaran…. It is important that we strive each and every moment we educate to create true warriors in our children. Persons who live by unbending values, who cherish the challenge, who respect the nature of competition and who run headlong into the quest for excellence. We are obligated to intentionally create those kinds of players in every moment…even the solitary ones in parking lots. […]

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

We are Powered by Sports Refund!

Follow Us On …

Follow Us on FacebookFollow Us on TwitterFollow Us on LinkedInFollow Us on iTunes

Grab a Copy of John’s new book Every Moment Matters, Now on Audiobook!

CLICK BELOW TO WATCH JOHN’S TED TALK “CHANGING THE GAME IN YOUTH SPORTS”

John at TEDx Bend cropped

Click Below to Buy Our Books and Videos

CTG Cover No Balls

Click Image to Get our Free Coaching Mastery Course

Most Popular Posts

Find an Article or Podcast

  • Privacy Policy
  • Contact Us
  • GET SOCIAL

© 2020. All Rights Reserved. Changing the Game Project.

TOP