This past week was both a happy and a sad one for me. I just returned from New York, where my family and I hosted a celebration of life for my mom Kathleen, who passed away in April (I wrote about her being my #1 fan here). We held a public celebration of life in my hometown of Port Jefferson, NY, and then our family and cousins travelled to a shared family cabin in Connecticut to scatter her ashes next to her parents and celebrate with our own laughs, tears, and stories of her life. And as I sat though both celebrations, I was consistently reminded by those who knew my mom best of something I say each an every week on our podcast, but often struggle to remember:

“Your influence is never neutral.”

The number of people who stood up and told stories about how my mom was one of the most important people in their lives was astounding. They told stories about how she helped them when they were a starving, lonely university student, or a person just trying to get ahead in life. Many of them told of meeting my mom on a random occasion, when she reached out and was determined to learn something fascinating about a person that day, and they just happened to cross her path. Friends shared stories of being taught by her to drive, or start a business, or raise money for a great cause in our town. One man told us how my mom taught him to drive, helped him leave his job washing dishes in a Chinese restaurant, buy his first  truck, and eventually start a national shipping business. We even had a foreign exchange student from Spain, whom lived with us when she was 16, fly in from Barcelona because of the influence my mom had on her 40 years ago. The stories went on and on. Yet there was one common theme.

My mom seemed to appear when they needed someone the most. She had a knack of being there at the right time to help them get ahead. She had a knack of making them feel valued, important, and relevant when they did not feel that way. And she realized that her influence was never neutral.

My mom was their greatest coach.

I realized last week that everything I needed to know about coaching, relationships and influence I had learned from my mom, day in and day out, as I watched her invest in people and give selflessly to people whom had little to offer in return except gratitude. I realized how easily we are swayed to connect with those who have the talent, the money, the prestige to get ourselves ahead, when in reality if we all just helped the next one in line regardless of what they could potentially do for us, the world would be a much better place.

I hope more coaches realize the influence they have to change lives, to build people up, to help them overcome adversity and build confidence. I hope we all take a moment this week to pause, and reflect on our influence on others in our busy lives. That we reach out to one person, or connect with one stranger on the street or in the coffee shop and find out something fascinating about them. I hope we all become a little more intentional about using our influence for good.

Our influence is never neutral. Every single time we interact with others we leave a positive or negative mark on their lives. The more aware if our influence we are, the more powerful it is. And as parents and coaches, we have the opportunity to influence so many young minds and hearts if we are aware how powerful our influence is.

And when we all pass, the people there to celebrate us will not talk about our money or possessions or trophies or statues erected in our honor. They will talk about our influence.

Your influence is a gift you have been given. Use it wisely. Just like my mom did.